Wednesday, 22 January 2014

What Being Single Means To Me

'The sad I am when single is better than the sadness I feel when someone walks out of my life'.
Been there, done that. I'm not claiming to be a saint and that I've always held up my end of the relationship. I've been the walker as well as the 'walkee' I suppose karma just works that way.

When I say that I want to be single during college, my sister, EJ and even I want to scoff at myself. The idea's laughable, because ever since I hit thirteen, I've rarely been single. But that doesn't mean that I can't - or won't do it.

For starters, a single status means more guys to dangle (*evil smirk*), and more time to yourself and to your own, selfish activities.

Taking a few committed (and I mean really committed) girls for examples, I bet if they added up all the time they spent in crying and waddling in self pity, they could have, I don't know, written a book or something. See where I'm going with this here? Wallowing in heartache consumes a lot of time that could have been used for something productive instead.

Men, I'm starting to believe, are not worth devoting time until they're in their thirties. Okay, so what if they'll starting to bald a bit? At least they'll start to understand the meaning of 'responsibility' by then.

I haven't really a perfect relationship until now. And by 'perfect', I mean a relationship that didn't end with one of us cheating on the other. I can't really say for sure why the guy does it, but for me, I'll say that either I got really bored and the new, other entry in the picture seemed really exciting, or I was starting to have second thoughts about the current boyfriend, feeling that he isn't The One. He isn't The One I want to spend the rest of my life with.

Above all, it is the sense of illicit thrill and freedom I feel when I cheat. It is the intoxicating feeling of power where I know that no one can really own me, and I can live and lead my life on my own terms.

I wasn't always this cynical about love and relationships, but I guess life does that to you when all the guys you 'loved' kicked you out and walked off with another girl. The ones that did stay with you, well, either repulsed you with their neediness or bored you out of your skull by settling into a mundane, predictable, routine lifestyle.

I don't think the phrase "behind every successful man is a woman" applies anymore. Though, on the other hand, I'm not exactly clear what the phrase means. Does it mean that gold diggers are always on the hunt for successful men, or a woman had a hand in the making of a successful man? Anyway, I'm going with the latter for now, and state that there wouldn't be an actual successful man in the world if they all listened to their hearts (and dicks) instead of their heads. You think Bill Gates would have been able to roll out one operating system after another if he kept listening to Melinda's moping all the time? Not that I know anything about their personal lives, just emphasizing my point here (Please don't sue me, Mr Gates).

People can achieve so much more when they're happy and satisfied. It is nice to be in a relationship, but not when it's going through a rocky phase. And I can't find a relationship that's not hitting the rock bottom most of the time because people are selfish, and it's "ME, ME, ME" all the time.

Hell, if it's going to be "ME, ME, ME" all the time, it may as well be on a smaller scale, that is, with a single status. Ergo, I'll just have I, Me and Myself to worry about, without hurting anyone else's feelings.

So, I guess that's what being single means to me. It means being able to slip into my oldest, moldiest jeans and sweatshirt and flipflops and not caring who sees me. It means living and breathing in fresh, independent (if not slightly gassy, because don't worry, you can fart freely when you're unattached, just take care when you're in public) air. It means lesser tear stains on your pillow and more sleep (no late night texting or calls). It means being able to choose oneself and friends over the guy (I know this may sound selfish, but heck, I deserve it after all the traumatizing shit I've been through). It means freedom to do as your heart desires, without any mental blocks ('What will he say?' 'Will he or will he not approve of this?').

It means achieving your full potential and celebrating your wins with whoever you want to - friends, family, or maybe even that new cute guy you have your sight on. For now ;)

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