Tuesday, 20 August 2013


Suicides are pretty common these days. People in my tutorial class were speaking about a girl who hanged herself from depression. Not an easy death. But then again, suicides are never are.

The first person I've interacted with to commit suicide was Jennifer*, a girl from the basketball set. A loose character, or so people said. I didn't know her well enough to judge her, but I could see that she loved to have fun, maybe a tad too much. She killed herself two summers ago, and I was really shaken up when I heard the news months after all my peers did. 

I later on heard that she was knocked up, but there wasn't much base to that theory and it could have well been just rumors. I wasn't close to her. The only time I'd talked to her was the time when I'd played against her team. After the game, she was sitting with a friend of mine. When I'd come over to talk to my friend, she playfully accused me of tackling her to the ground. I'd smiled and shrugged my shoulders.

Jennifer soon faded away, from people's minds and conversations. No one really missed her, not even in the 'ball circle. If they did talk about her, it was always with scorn, disgust or pity.

I could have been her. It could have been about me those shallow people gossiped shamelessly. I could have been the one who would have, if rumors are to be believed, missed her period, went ahead and bought a couple of pregnancy tests, and have had all of them result in positive (although I would be careful enough about the precautions; I'd say there is nothing worse than a late period when you've been up to mischief). I could have been dumped by my boyfriend upon breaking the news to him. What if it was me in her shoes?

I'd probably have taken the coward's way out, too. To some, it would be preferable than facing the consequences. But when you act, you face the consequences. If you can't deal with the consequence, look for a solution. And when else fails...

I don't miss her. But I do feel for her family. I've heard that she has a little sister. I don't know how their relationship was, but hell, I can't imagine life without my sister (Even though I've had the pleasure of murdering her in fantasies myself). To live on, with the absence of a family member is not easy, especially not if you've known them for a long time. And to cope with the way she left... 

Life is a boon, even though there are times we feel that it is a bane. No matter how broken the thing is, it can be fixed, at least to an extent. Like they say, suicides are permanent solutions to temporary problems. There are no problems that can't be solved, even if the solutions are not pleasant. It would take time and suffering to get the outcome we desire, but then we grow wiser, a lesson learnt from the hard way. 

Rest in peace, Jennifer.

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