What Being Single Means To Me

'The sad I am when single is better than the sadness I feel when someone walks out of my life'.
Been there, done that. I'm not claiming to be a saint and that I've always held up my end of the relationship. I've been the walker as well as the 'walkee' I suppose karma just works that way.

When I say that I want to be single during college, my sister, EJ and even I want to scoff at myself. The idea's laughable, because ever since I hit thirteen, I've rarely been single. But that doesn't mean that I can't - or won't do it.

For starters, a single status means more guys to dangle (*evil smirk*), and more time to yourself and to your own, selfish activities.

Taking a few committed (and I mean really committed) girls for examples, I bet if they added up all the time they spent in crying and waddling in self pity, they could have, I don't know, written a book or something. See where I'm going with this here? Wallowing in heartache consumes a lot of time that could have been used for something productive instead.

Men, I'm starting to believe, are not worth devoting time until they're in their thirties. Okay, so what if they'll starting to bald a bit? At least they'll start to understand the meaning of 'responsibility' by then.

I haven't really a perfect relationship until now. And by 'perfect', I mean a relationship that didn't end with one of us cheating on the other. I can't really say for sure why the guy does it, but for me, I'll say that either I got really bored and the new, other entry in the picture seemed really exciting, or I was starting to have second thoughts about the current boyfriend, feeling that he isn't The One. He isn't The One I want to spend the rest of my life with.

Above all, it is the sense of illicit thrill and freedom I feel when I cheat. It is the intoxicating feeling of power where I know that no one can really own me, and I can live and lead my life on my own terms.

I wasn't always this cynical about love and relationships, but I guess life does that to you when all the guys you 'loved' kicked you out and walked off with another girl. The ones that did stay with you, well, either repulsed you with their neediness or bored you out of your skull by settling into a mundane, predictable, routine lifestyle.

I don't think the phrase "behind every successful man is a woman" applies anymore. Though, on the other hand, I'm not exactly clear what the phrase means. Does it mean that gold diggers are always on the hunt for successful men, or a woman had a hand in the making of a successful man? Anyway, I'm going with the latter for now, and state that there wouldn't be an actual successful man in the world if they all listened to their hearts (and dicks) instead of their heads. You think Bill Gates would have been able to roll out one operating system after another if he kept listening to Melinda's moping all the time? Not that I know anything about their personal lives, just emphasizing my point here (Please don't sue me, Mr Gates).

People can achieve so much more when they're happy and satisfied. It is nice to be in a relationship, but not when it's going through a rocky phase. And I can't find a relationship that's not hitting the rock bottom most of the time because people are selfish, and it's "ME, ME, ME" all the time.

Hell, if it's going to be "ME, ME, ME" all the time, it may as well be on a smaller scale, that is, with a single status. Ergo, I'll just have I, Me and Myself to worry about, without hurting anyone else's feelings.

So, I guess that's what being single means to me. It means being able to slip into my oldest, moldiest jeans and sweatshirt and flipflops and not caring who sees me. It means living and breathing in fresh, independent (if not slightly gassy, because don't worry, you can fart freely when you're unattached, just take care when you're in public) air. It means lesser tear stains on your pillow and more sleep (no late night texting or calls). It means being able to choose oneself and friends over the guy (I know this may sound selfish, but heck, I deserve it after all the traumatizing shit I've been through). It means freedom to do as your heart desires, without any mental blocks ('What will he say?' 'Will he or will he not approve of this?').

It means achieving your full potential and celebrating your wins with whoever you want to - friends, family, or maybe even that new cute guy you have your sight on. For now ;)

Why, in my opinion, 'Serious Relationships' SUCK

#10. Ever had any guys, who call themselves your boyfriend but at the same time, instead of pampering, they insult you worse than a member of their own breed when you get a fact wrong? I've had. ENOUGH of them.

#9. The perfect couple is supposed to have all the aspects of relationships - best friends, lover, bla bla. I don't really mind being treated like a 'bro' most of the time, but I draw a line being punched, especially in the time of the month when I'm feeling down, cranky, fatigued, and frankly too tired to punch the guy back.

#8. His mother knows who you are and what relationship you have with her son within six months into the relationship and starts giving you I WILL CHEW YOU ALIVE AND SPIT YOU OUT vibe. Nice knowing you too, Potential Mom-In-Law.

#7. The obligations and the strings that come with a relationship are, most of the time, just not worth it.Gifts (receiving them is much more fun than the headache of choosing the perfect one for him), the routine declarations of love (even at times you don't mean it one iota).

#6. I've had guys who've split bills with me. They're not as bad as the ones I ended up footing the whole bill for. I regret that now, because they were scum-bags and I could have just pigged out on chocolates with the money.

#5. I've inconsiderate bastards who are so intent on getting their own rocks off that they don't give two shits about whether or not you've climaxed, too. No big loss there.

#4. Ever checked out eye-catching hunks and their forelimbs and then felt guilty about about it later on? Happens everyday with me.

#3. What really pisses me off is that they think they can demand to know my location and who I'm with (more emphasis on the latter) whenever they want. Hire a PI if you're so 'concerned'.

#2. Frankly, I believe there is no better feeling than breathing fresh air and buying chocolates you don't have to share.

#1. Listen to Pussycat Dolls' I Don't Need A Man, buy a tub of chocolate ice cream and share it with your dogs (On the other hand, don't give them chocolate, though), because they are way better than some of the scum-bags you've had the misfortune of dating.

Sibling Squabbles

I remember, from about five or six years ago, an argument between two brothers. It was right in the middle of the game of football we were playing.

Older had graduated from high school and enrolled himself in an engineering college someplace north. Younger, born six years later, was still in the sixth grade.

I don't remember what the fight was about, and I certainly don't remember how it started, but I do remember Younger maliciously pointing out that Older 'had not gotten into IIT'. Older was exceptional in his studies, and he'd been aiming for IIT, but he couldn't get through.

Yet, when I met him today, he had passed out from his four-year BTech course and is joining ONGC in November. I inquired about Younger. Very busy, he replied with a hint of pride. I smiled. Determined to make it into IIT, eh?

Hopefully, he emphasized.

Well, chances are more that he won't remember that his brother had insulted him six years ago (My memory is like a sieve; EJ agrees), nevertheless, I've got to admire that there wasn't an iota of resentment at the fact that he didn't get through, and his brother still stood a chance.

Well, that's how siblings are programmed, I suppose. Because no matter how bad the fights are, no matter how many vows of not speaking to him/her, siblings always bounce back. Always.

It's a masochistic relationship, I tell you.

I've had my fair share of fights, too, physical as well as verbal. I was shoved into a bookcase once in a vicious childhood fight. I immediately burst into tears, but despite my sullenness, we had to unite forces to tape the broken glass of the bookcase. Mom discovered it anyway, since we geniuses used tape that was blue in color. I was only happy to be the tattle-tale after a confrontation.

I've hit back, too. I once threw a pair of heavy, metal scissors at my sister's feet that resulted in a puncture in her big toe. She retaliated after a few years by slashing my thigh with a blade.

The physical fights don't hurt as much as the verbal ones do. She, being the older and better at rebuttals than I am, almost always wins. Our fights sometimes end up calling each other names, and not tame ones either. Squabbles rise over the pettiest things.

Her: Feed Sirius.
Me: Do it yourself.
Her: I'm telling you to do it.
Me: Do it yourself. I'm tired/sleepy.
Her: And I'm not, you selfish thing? (only she doesn't say THING. And so it starts)

The fights sometimes escalate pretty bad, and I have to find solace by mentally placing her in all the Saw traps. I vow never to speak to her again, and even manage it for a few days (at most), only speaking when required.

But unfortunately, it's worse than an abusive relationship. Masochistic Me befriends her again.