Suicides

Suicides are pretty common these days. People in my tutorial class were speaking about a girl who hanged herself from depression. Not an easy death. But then again, suicides are never are.

The first person I've interacted with to commit suicide was Jennifer*, a girl from the basketball set. A loose character, or so people said. I didn't know her well enough to judge her, but I could see that she loved to have fun, maybe a tad too much. She killed herself two summers ago, and I was really shaken up when I heard the news months after all my peers did. 

I later on heard that she was knocked up, but there wasn't much base to that theory and it could have well been just rumors. I wasn't close to her. The only time I'd talked to her was the time when I'd played against her team. After the game, she was sitting with a friend of mine. When I'd come over to talk to my friend, she playfully accused me of tackling her to the ground. I'd smiled and shrugged my shoulders.

Jennifer soon faded away, from people's minds and conversations. No one really missed her, not even in the 'ball circle. If they did talk about her, it was always with scorn, disgust or pity.

I could have been her. It could have been about me those shallow people gossiped shamelessly. I could have been the one who would have, if rumors are to be believed, missed her period, went ahead and bought a couple of pregnancy tests, and have had all of them result in positive (although I would be careful enough about the precautions; I'd say there is nothing worse than a late period when you've been up to mischief). I could have been dumped by my boyfriend upon breaking the news to him. What if it was me in her shoes?

I'd probably have taken the coward's way out, too. To some, it would be preferable than facing the consequences. But when you act, you face the consequences. If you can't deal with the consequence, look for a solution. And when else fails...

I don't miss her. But I do feel for her family. I've heard that she has a little sister. I don't know how their relationship was, but hell, I can't imagine life without my sister (Even though I've had the pleasure of murdering her in fantasies myself). To live on, with the absence of a family member is not easy, especially not if you've known them for a long time. And to cope with the way she left... 

Life is a boon, even though there are times we feel that it is a bane. No matter how broken the thing is, it can be fixed, at least to an extent. Like they say, suicides are permanent solutions to temporary problems. There are no problems that can't be solved, even if the solutions are not pleasant. It would take time and suffering to get the outcome we desire, but then we grow wiser, a lesson learnt from the hard way. 

Rest in peace, Jennifer.

Sibling Squabbles

I remember, from about five or six years ago, an argument between two brothers. It was right in the middle of the game of football we were playing.

Older had graduated from high school and enrolled himself in an engineering college someplace north. Younger, born six years later, was still in the sixth grade.

I don't remember what the fight was about, and I certainly don't remember how it started, but I do remember Younger maliciously pointing out that Older 'had not gotten into IIT'. Older was exceptional in his studies, and he'd been aiming for IIT, but he couldn't get through.

Yet, when I met him today, he had passed out from his four-year BTech course and is joining ONGC in November. I inquired about Younger. Very busy, he replied with a hint of pride. I smiled. Determined to make it into IIT, eh?

Hopefully, he emphasized.

Well, chances are more that he won't remember that his brother had insulted him six years ago (My memory is like a sieve; EJ agrees), nevertheless, I've got to admire that there wasn't an iota of resentment at the fact that he didn't get through, and his brother still stood a chance.

Well, that's how siblings are programmed, I suppose. Because no matter how bad the fights are, no matter how many vows of not speaking to him/her, siblings always bounce back. Always.

It's a masochistic relationship, I tell you.

I've had my fair share of fights, too, physical as well as verbal. I was shoved into a bookcase once in a vicious childhood fight. I immediately burst into tears, but despite my sullenness, we had to unite forces to tape the broken glass of the bookcase. Mom discovered it anyway, since we geniuses used tape that was blue in color. I was only happy to be the tattle-tale after a confrontation.

I've hit back, too. I once threw a pair of heavy, metal scissors at my sister's feet that resulted in a puncture in her big toe. She retaliated after a few years by slashing my thigh with a blade.

The physical fights don't hurt as much as the verbal ones do. She, being the older and better at rebuttals than I am, almost always wins. Our fights sometimes end up calling each other names, and not tame ones either. Squabbles rise over the pettiest things.

Her: Feed Sirius.
Me: Do it yourself.
Her: I'm telling you to do it.
Me: Do it yourself. I'm tired/sleepy.
Her: And I'm not, you selfish thing? (only she doesn't say THING. And so it starts)

The fights sometimes escalate pretty bad, and I have to find solace by mentally placing her in all the Saw traps. I vow never to speak to her again, and even manage it for a few days (at most), only speaking when required.

But unfortunately, it's worse than an abusive relationship. Masochistic Me befriends her again.